Kyle & I headed to NH this morning to see my father in the hospital. He's been in the hospital since early April and won't ever be returning home. We spent about 2 hours with him and he was so happy to see us. We bought him an ice coffee and a blueberry muffin from D&D and he was happy as a clam.
He had a magazine on his table that we looked at together. There was a little blurb on Bristol, RI and their famous 4th of July festivities. He told me that we would go together this summer when I told him I had never been to the Bristol parade. This made me sad realizing we won’t go. In fact, I will never be able to go anywhere ever again with my father as he is dying. I think at times he really thinks he’s going to get better. He will be discharged sometime in the next week into hospice care.
I cried most of the way up there but I really tried to keep it together for him during our visit. Every time I leave him I wonder if it is the last time I will see him alive. Just knowing that he won’t always be that phone call away breaks my heart. Kyle and I have had some good times w/ Dad and Barbara (his wife) over the last 9 years. We will always treasure them. No parent sets out be a failure. I’ve had my issues with Dad but the bottom line, in my opinion, is that he did the best he knew how to do and there is no doubt in my mind that he loves all his children very much. I just want him to be at peace.
He had a magazine on his table that we looked at together. There was a little blurb on Bristol, RI and their famous 4th of July festivities. He told me that we would go together this summer when I told him I had never been to the Bristol parade. This made me sad realizing we won’t go. In fact, I will never be able to go anywhere ever again with my father as he is dying. I think at times he really thinks he’s going to get better. He will be discharged sometime in the next week into hospice care.
I cried most of the way up there but I really tried to keep it together for him during our visit. Every time I leave him I wonder if it is the last time I will see him alive. Just knowing that he won’t always be that phone call away breaks my heart. Kyle and I have had some good times w/ Dad and Barbara (his wife) over the last 9 years. We will always treasure them. No parent sets out be a failure. I’ve had my issues with Dad but the bottom line, in my opinion, is that he did the best he knew how to do and there is no doubt in my mind that he loves all his children very much. I just want him to be at peace.
When we got home from our 2.5 hour drive from seeing dad there was a beautiful flower arrangement at our door pictured above. It was from my three sisters. That brought much needed smiles to both of us.
8 comments:
Cait and Kyle
There really are no words that can express how sad all of this is for everyone. I wish I was there for all of you - but please know that I am praying and thinking of you all every day.
Mo
Mo,
Thanks. It is such a hard time. I can't wait to see you this summer. I love you so much!
c
What a week!!! Hugs to you. I hope you get a chance to relax!
Not that anything could make this time better, but it really is a blessing that you have the opportunity to spend quality time together and make a point to make some special memories during this difficult time.
Our Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Love,
Brig
Enjoy every minute. I really wish I had some profound words to heal your aching heart. I can offer a hug. So glad Kyle is there for you during all this stuff. Tell him Thanks from me. You have some good times coming. You are way past due!!!
I'm so, so sorry for you. I lost my dad in January and the process of losing him was unbelievably tough in so many ways. You will get through it, no matter how hard it seems. . . .
It's been great for us to read your blog and know that there are families out there like ours. We'd be honored if you want to link to our blog. Keep us posted on how things are going, we're pulling for you.
Cait,
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. You are lucky that you have the chance to be with him and put a smile on his face. I'm sure the Dunkin Donuts totally made his day. I know how hard it is to watch someone you love slip away. When my grampy died last year I thought that my life would never be the same again. I loved him more than any other member of my family, he was my best friend. We had that unbreakable bond that goes on even after death. I was the last person he saw before he fell into a coma, and I have the memory of him smiling and saying my name too before he closed his eyes. I was lucky enough to hold it together to give his eulogy at his funeral because I wanted everyone to know how wonderful he was. Although no words I say will truly comfort the way you are feeling now, I know what you are going through. It brought me peace knowing that some day I will be lucky enough to see my grampy again in Heaven where he will not be in pain and will be healthy again. I hope you find the same strength to get you through this difficult time. I'm glad you got the chance to spend time with your father. I'm sure he will cherish those moments forever too!! XOXOXO
Oh Cait, I'm so sorry!!!
While I know it's never the same, you know I can empathize with you on your situation with your father. It's so hard, and I am so sorry you are having to go through it too.
And the news about the BM just makes my heart ache for you. Again, I'm so sorry.
Try to keep your chin up as best you can. You'll make it through, ( That's what I keep telling myself.) :) Make sure you take care of yourself.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
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