When It Rains, It Pours

Sorry we haven’t been consistently writing. Things have been busy. We’ve had our share of bad news lately and it is just hard to take so much. A few weeks ago, I found out that my father has colon cancer again. He also has prostate cancer and he needs surgery on his heart again. I’m not 100% sure on all the details but I think his pacemaker isn’t working properly. He’s just had so many health issues lately and it really stinks.

Last Friday my sister Deirdre called me @ work to tell me that a dear family friend died at age 42. My mother’s best friend (Lee) is like an aunt to us and it was her son, Mark that died. To make matters worse, he was her only son. She also has a daughter but she was exceptionally close to Mark, much closer than most mothers and sons that I know of. Ugh!

As some of you may know, I grew up in MA but my mother is from NY and my father is from RI. Therefore growing up we didn’t have any extended family close by. Yes, RI isn’t far from MA but it is still a solid hour away by car. My mother’s friends became our extended family and we consider some of them aunts. So, losing Mark is like losing a cousin. To make matters worse, he lived in Maryland so my mom and siblings are all @ the funeral. I didn’t go. I feel bad about that. I hate traveling and it just wipes me out and I guess I didn’t want to travel with my family and feel like a burden. I know that is ridiculous but that is how I was feeling. So, it is kind of hard to put closure on all of this since I haven’t gone to the services.

So, I’m totally consumed by this and just feel so helpless. It is so hard to comprehend why do bad things happen? I know death is an evitable part of life but I’ve always struggled to understand it. I guess I can make more sense of someone’s death if they were given a fair shot @ life. If someone lives to say their 60’s or later it is still a hard loss but part of me feels they had the chance to live as opposed to someone who dies young and doesn’t get to see their children grow.

Several months ago I read the book which I highly recommend called My Sister’s Keeper. It is funny how certain things stick with you from books, movies, etc. One thing I will always remember from that book is something that was stated about losing a child and how we have a word in the English language for losing a spouse, which is widow but there is no word for losing a child. I think it is the worst pain a parent can experience. It goes against the laws of nature (for lack of a better phrase) when a child dies before their parent. Ugh!!! Anyway, that is what is going on!!!! I came across a really good website that I figured I’d post on losing a child

http://www.missfoundation.org/cherish/movingon.html

I posted a quote from the above link and it is my hope for Lee that with time she will be able to get to this point.

“One of the nicest cards I received from a friend said, "Grieve well. One day you will cease to remember him with tears and instead remember him with smiles." The ache and the empty space in your heart will always be there but the pain will somehow ease up through the years. “